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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Growth. Time. Truth. Closure.

So it's been a while. I somewhat forgot I had a blog. Oopsies!!

A lot has happened. Most for the better, with some rough patches in between. But that's a different blog for a different time.

I've posted a lot about this guy named Grant. Yes, that one. The guy that broke my heart in ways I didn't even know it could be broken. The guy I never thought I'd be over.

A few months back, he still got to me. I found myself looking at his what I thought girlfriend's Facebook page and also trying to look at his. I thought he had deleted and blocked me from Facebook. Come to find out, he went AWOL and just decided to get rid of Facebook. 

It wasn't until I met the most amazing man ever that I began to heal from what Grant did to me. Joey is the man I will spend the rest of my life with, the man I will raise a family with, and the man I will grow old with. He is the man who treats me better than I deserve and shows me what true love really is. And I would not do anything to hurt him, ever.

I believe that time heals all wounds, especially those you thought would never heal.

While I was going through a personal rough patch and getting ready to head back to Ann Arbor, I received a Facebook message from non other than Grant. It simply stated that if I was ever back in Ann Arbor and wanted to stunt, to get a hold of him. At first glance, I was furious that he would have the nerve to even contact me. Joey was furious and of course, wanted to handle the situation.

I went back to Ann Arbor that weekend with no intention of contacting Grant. I felt that he was out of my life for a year and during that year, I was perfectly capable living without him, without knowing how he was doing . . . hell, I was even happy . . .and I found Joey. I had finally stopped caring and started truly healing, and he went and did it again, made all those icky feelings come up.

It wasn't until I was sitting at my parents house in silence that I decided I needed to do something for me. I text Grant and asked if he'd be interested in getting a drink. Much to the dismay of Joey and my good friends, I decided that something needed to be done face to face. Grant never did me the respectable thing when he chose not to tell me he had started dating Katie, nor did she might I add. I didn't want to do that. Not that I owed Grant a damn thing, but I wanted to rise above and just be respectful.

So I met him for a drink. Not even five minutes into the conversation, I had said to him, "So I need to ask you a favor. We've spent the last year apart from one another, not being in contact, and I think it's really unfair of you to just pop back into my life like no time has passed. I've been happy not thinking about you and not knowing what you're up to. After tonight, I need to ask you to not talk to me. No texts, no Facebook messages, no contact whatsoever. I have met the man of my dreams, and I'm going to marry him, start a family with him, and grow old with him. And I refuse to let you ruin that. So if you have ever cared about me, and out of respect for me, I need you to leave me alone after tonight."

He was silent. Then he said that it's been a year since we have talked and since we have gone that long without talking, then we could just continue not talking. 

After that was all said and done, I felt like I accomplished something. I didn't even know I had it in me to tell him all that. I kept looking at him thinking, "Why was I ever attracted to you? You were such a dick to me!" Felt like that was a good sign. 

Since I was drunk after a couple ciders, we decided to talk a walk around campus. We did a stunt in the diag for old time's sake and just wandered. It had been a while since I've been on campus and I wanted to soak it all in and sober up before driving 45 minutes back to my parents. We walked about four feet apart at all times, until Grant thought it would be a smart idea to pull me in and try to kiss me. I fought against it and ended up slapping him in the face for trying. The slap woke him up and I told him not to think about trying to do it again. And asked what the hell he was thinking. He just said he had the urge to kiss me.

I gotta say that it's so nice to be wanted after being a second choice for a year. Not that I agree with his choice to kiss me, because I don't, but it's nice to know that you're wanted, especially after you weren't for so long. Too little, too late. 

It was nice to catch up with Grant and to know that he is doing well. And to let it all out. To be honest, to have some closure on a situation that wained for way too long. Just to make sure my point was made, I sent Grant a text message that said:

       "Thanks for the closure, Grant. We were more honest with each other than we've ever been. Time to go our separate ways. I wish you the best of luck with everything you do and truly hope you fall madly in love with someone who is more madly in love with you than I was. If you see me in Ann Arbor, act as if you have no idea who I am. A part of me is always going to care about you in some weird fucked up way, but I can't let you be a part of my life that I've done so well building without you in it. I hope you can respect and honor my wishes. Goodbye."

Time heals all wounds. Time allows you to grow, to see the truth and speak your truth, to have closure, and most of all, time allows you to move onto something better.  

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