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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Taking a Chance, Time for a Change

When my best friend first told me he was interviewing at the University of Hawaii, I half-jokingly said that if he moves to Hawaii, I was going with him. I never expected it to come true, not him not getting the job, but me actually going with him. 

Well, now it's real. He got the job and I'm in the process of securing my own job in Hawaii. This is a BIG move, a BIG change, and I'm taking one hell of a chance. 

I have lived in Michigan all my life and haven't really known any place other than Monroe or Ann Arbor to call my home. Looking back on everything, it's going to be very different out there, but maybe different is exactly what I need.

I began to second guess my decision a few days ago. Should I go? What am I leaving behind? I am leaving behind great jobs, working at Center for Yoga and UMove. I'm leaving behind a great yoga community and great people to work for. And if I chose to stay, I would have a great life here. I already do. I LOVE all my students dearly. I have big things happening if I choose to stay. But the most important thing I'm leaving is comfort.

My yoga teacher always tells me that I need to step out of my comfort zone at least once a day. I'm not sure if I actually do it once a day, but I'm going to take a giant leap out of my comfort zone. Moving to Hawaii is an opportunity for growth, both professionally and personally. And I can't imagine moving out there with anyone else. 

I am going to miss everything here so much. My family and friends, my students, Center for Yoga, Michigan football games, the snow, the list could go on. But I have to take this opportunity because if I stay, I fear that I'll get stuck here forever, and I refuse to let that happen.

So here's to taking a huge leap of faith, stepping out of my comfort zone, and taking an opportunity for growth. All I can say is, YOU ALL BETTER COME VISIT ME! :-D

I love you all and will miss you all so much! FOREVER AND ALWAYS, GO BLUE!

Super intense. Super vulnerable. Super awkward. Totally Necessary.

So I didn't realize that anyone actually ever read my blogs until a friend of mine brought it up last night. To those of you who read this, I hope you find all the awkwardness, vulnerability, and intensity as in inspiration. Maybe to share your story, open your heart, take a chance . . .

After talking to his friend, which may have been one of the most awkward conversations ever, I began to question why I even started a blog. Here's what I came up with:

Last April, I came across this Facebook event called "Free Love Day". A man, Justin Murray, started this event which thousands of people chose to attend. He said that he wanted to start this event as a way to increase awareness about depression and suicide. His high school crush was this beautiful, popular girl who seemed to have everything and then one day took her own life because she was struggling with depression. He asked everyone to put a heart on their wrist and observe a lifestyle of love and acceptance. To open up and share their story because everyone has one. Sharing their life so that no one ever has to feel alone. 

Then I met Brandon Doman, the creator of the passion-driven "The Stranger's Project". Brandon travels all around collecting people's stories. Stories of love, hope, depression, dreams, disappointments, the list really goes on. When speaking to him, I asked him what made him want to quit his job and run with his passion. His response: "I can't imagine not doing it." Brandon is the classic ideal of following your heart and allowing your passion to create something wonderful. Yeah, people are curious and sometimes apprehensive when passing by his table at a local coffee shop. But there's something about sharing your story, whether it's a happy story or something you're struggling with. There is something intimate about anonymity, and there's something comforting about just writing down your story. 

So this is why I write this blog. This is me putting my story out there. Maybe you or someone in the world finds comfort in my story. Maybe I find comfort in yours. Maybe you find it entertaining. But this is me telling my story so that no one feels alone. Allowing myself to be vulnerable, awkward, intense. Maybe this is my way of letting go. Either way, open your heart to share your story, be vulnerable, maybe a little bit crazy at times, so that no one ever feels alone. No one should ever feel so bad that they want to take their own life. Be an inspiration. Set an example of love, kindness, and acceptance. Share YOUR story, it's unique and it belongs to you!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

This Is My Story

I’ve been that girl. The girl that falls for the first guy who ever gives her any attention. The girl that loses her virginity on some stupid whim. The naive girl who falls in love over and over again just to get her heart broken time and time again.

You know that girl who lets everyone walk all over her? Yep, that’s me too. But at some point in my life, I decided enough was enough. That it was time to start living my own life and believing that I was worth it all. However, I didn’t learn that I had had enough until my heart got shattered into a million little pieces.
Being the naive and hopeless romantic that I am, I fell in love with someone I never intended to. I lost a job I loved because of him and was willing to give it all up for him. I turned into what I consider the worst version of myself, dropping all my responsibilities to spend any time I could with him. The catch: When I finally mustered up the courage to tell him I loved him, he told me he was in love with someone else. I thought my heart would never be the same, I had been in love before, but not as deeply as I was with him. My heart was on the floor and it had been stomped into a million little pieces. 
I couldn’t even begin to fathom how I was going to put the pieces together. And then it just happened. I just decided to let it all go. Because I realized that sometimes the one person you think you need is exactly the one person you don’t need at all. 
I learned that even though my heart was broken, I could still love more and bigger than I could ever imagine. To feel that bad, to feel that heartache, means that I got to love the big. To go that deep means to have loved that richly. 
Then I met someone new, and he was unlike anyone I have ever met before. He swept me off my feet and I thought this was the one. He was amazing in every single way; determined, strong, handsome. Then, in one night, it was all away. He got blackout drunk and treated me the worst I have ever been treated in my life. Calling me a slut, whore, cunt, you name it and slamming me up against a cement wall to just name a few of things that occurred that night. So in one drunken night of stupidity, everything that had been built up was immediately torn down. 
That night was the catalyst for something big, something bigger than I could have ever imagined. Now I am moving to Hawaii with my best guy friend. Had it not been for all the events that occurred before this, my journey would not be the same. Because yes, life can and surely will break my heart at times, but why not let it also break my heart open. Open to new possibilities, open to the idea of loving despite the heartbreak. I’ll take my chances and just live my life
“If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you love.” -Holstee Manifesto