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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Sometimes All You Need is One . . .

And you were the one I needed. 

Just when you think you've lost all faith and completely given up, someone comes along to not only restore your faith and hope, but sweeps you off your feet and teaches you something you didn't know about life . . . and love.

You probably don't know it, but you were my miracle, my angel. You proved to me that there are still great guys out there. The ones that are chivalrous, the good ones. 

It's been a rough year and a half. Taking a brutal beating to the heart, two grandparents passing away, health issues, best friends' moving all over the country. Meeting all the wrong guys while searching for the needle in the haystack. Yeah, it's been rough. 

And then I met YOU. Just when I wasn't looking for anything and wasn't expecting a thing. You randomly showed up to my class, complimented me to no end week after week, and yet I was so resistant to you at first. Then after three months of me seeing you once a week to hand you your ass on a yoga mat, you asked me to hang out. 

Our first hang out was interesting. It was the first time I had drank alcohol in a while and so I got really drunk. Getting food, watching a movie, and staying at your house because I was too drunk to drive home and even though you had to wake up early. You didn't even try anything but a kiss good night. You had my attention right there, but I wasn't willing to like you yet. 

Took you for a surprise one time, which will stay between you and I, but let's just say you can cross that adventure off your bucket list. :-)

Then we just continued on like we had never went out. Saw you once a week, we would walk to my car together, yup, just like nothing happened.

One night, I was with my friends crossing the street to go to a bar. You yelled my name and came up to give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I asked where you were headed and you didn't know yet. We somehow ended up at the same bar and we had our first dance. It was epic, every time I hear that song now, I think of you and how much fun we had. That night was funny. We fought each other the entire time. At one point, you thought you were going to have to defend me against a second-round NFL draft pick. It was really cute how you responded and I'm sorry if my "I don't need you to protect me against him, or against anyone else for that matter" may have emasculated you a bit or made you feel small. I was not intending to, sometimes I'm just too independent for my own good. But it really was adorable that you were willing to stick up for me just in case. ;-)

So you tricked me, you invited me out to dinner with you and your friends and when I showed up, I found out that we were going to your fraternity's date party. You knew that if you would have told me it was a date party, that I would have said no. But here's the thing: I'm glad you tricked me. I had the time of my life that night. I don't remember a night where I had that much fun. And that look you kept giving me, the look I kept asking about, the look that you kept saying that you were just so happy, the look gave me such a rush. That night was probably one of the best nights of my life. 

Then you left after graduation. To go home before starting work in Chicago. I got to see you the night before you left. It was a short encounter. You had been hanging out with your friends and it was an emotional time, but I was walking to my car and you were headed back towards home. We were outside my car and just talking about how sad it was. You told me that we had so much fun together and I totally agree. You couldn't even look at me in the eye without tearing up, and I was definitely tearing up too. I gave you a hug and you said, "I love you."

From the beginning, we both established that we weren't looking for a relationship, but way to throw a girl off by saying that before you left. I don't know if you said it because you were emotional, because you meant it in a friend way, or if you seriously meant it. Problem is, I didn't realize what you said until I was driving away. I wish I would have. I would have shifted my car back into park when you looked at me through my window, gotten out of my car, walked up to you, and kissed you. And not just any kiss, but the kind of kiss that stops time, that's slow, passionate, and worth every single moment. I replay this scenario back in my head every single day. And I wonder what it would have been like. 

So I have a confession to make. And I'm putting it on here because I haven't exactly figured out what I'm going to say or how I will actually tell you, but I do know that you don't have Facebook so you probably won't see this. :-P

Come September, you and I will be living in the same city. We will both be in a city where it's so much fun to be young and single. And I know where you're coming from, you're young, just graduated from college, starting your real job, and living in an amazing city. I don't even know that I want to be in a relationship when I'm moving there either, but I do know that if I'm going to be in a relationship with someone, it's gonna be you. Or someone even better than you. 

Because, in all honesty, you raised my standards for men. I went from having high standards, to having no standards at one point, to now having the highest standards ever. You showed me what I deserve, and that nothing less will do. Everyone comes into your life for a reason, and you came to teach me so much about life . . . and love. I'm not in love with you, I have a huge wall built up against that, but you do mean a lot to me. Guys like you don't come around very often and guys like you never happen to girls like me. I honestly feel bad for the next guy that dates me because he has to measure up to you.

I'm really lucky to have met you, to have gotten to spend what little time we did together, to always have a reminder of what I deserve. And I am excited to continue to develop a relationship with you in a new and fun city, whether that relationship is intimate, or just friends. No matter what happens, I always want to be your friend, because you are that amazing of a person. 

Yeah, it's been a rough year, but I found the light at the end of the tunnel. So be inspired by your own trials and tribulations. Find inspiration and heart through how you rose above. Had all these things not happened, I would not have found my passion, the light within myself, and my new life path . . . and I certainly would not have met the most amazing man I know. 

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