This Is My Story

I’ve been that girl. The girl that falls for the first guy who ever gives her any attention. The girl that loses her virginity on some stupid whim. The naive girl who falls in love over and over again just to get her heart broken time and time again.

You know that girl who lets everyone walk all over her? Yep, that’s me too. But at some point in my life, I decided enough was enough. That it was time to start living my own life and believing that I was worth it all. However, I didn’t learn that I had had enough until my heart got shattered into a million little pieces.

Being the naive and hopeless romantic that I am, I fell in love with someone I never intended to. I lost a job I loved because of him and was willing to give it all up for him. I turned into what I consider the worst version of myself, dropping all my responsibilities to spend any time I could with him. The catch: When I finally mustered up the courage to tell him I loved him, he told me he was in love with someone else. I thought my heart would never be the same, I had been in love before, but not as deeply as I was with him. My heart was on the floor and it had been stomped into a million little pieces. 

I couldn’t even begin to fathom how I was going to put the pieces together. And then it just happened. I just decided to let it all go. Because I realized that sometimes the one person you think you need is exactly the one person you don’t need at all. 

I learned that even though my heart was broken, I could still love more and bigger than I could ever imagine. To feel that bad, to feel that heartache, means that I got to love the big. To go that deep means to have loved that richly. 

Then I met someone new, and he was unlike anyone I have ever met before. He swept me off my feet and I thought this was the one. He was amazing in every single way; determined, strong, handsome. Then, in one night, it was all away. He got blackout drunk and treated me the worst I have ever been treated in my life. Calling me a slut, whore, cunt, you name it and slamming me up against a cement wall to just name a few of things that occurred that night. So in one drunken night of stupidity, everything that had been built up was immediately torn down. 

That night was the catalyst for something big, something bigger than I could have ever imagined. Now I am moving to Hawaii with my best guy friend. Had it not been for all the events that occurred before this, my journey would not be the same. Because yes, life can and surely will break my heart at times, but why not let it also break my heart open. Open to new possibilities, open to the idea of loving despite the heartbreak. I’ll take my chances and just live my life. 

“If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you love.” -Holstee Manifesto