I personally struggle with this a lot. But I wanted to write this blog to inspire a good friend of mine and you know who you are. :-) I recently spoke with this friend and she seemed to be going through a very similar situation I had. She has a guy in her life that she needs to let go of.
No one ever said letting go was easy, if it was, I believe that we would not resist it as much as we do. However, letting go is part of life. It is something we all must learn to go. Letting go means change, but change for the better.
So to my good friend, letting go is a process. Letting go is something that we must practice each and every day, sometimes more than once a day. Letting go is hard and hurts like hell. But if you refuse to lose faith in yourself, letting go will continue to get easier and you will eventually be able to let go.
To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.
Never forget this: When you let someone or something go, you are setting yourself free.
Thinking back on my own experience, here's what I have to offer for you. Go ahead and write an "I love you" or "Fuck you" letter. You may never send it, or maybe you will, but whatever you choose to do with it, it's nice to get it all out there.
When I was younger, I wrote the story of a me and a guy I was with after we broke up. After I wrote it, I packed it away until I decided it was time. You just know when it's time to pull it back out. When I was ready, I pulled it out and threw it away in the trash. That was me letting go of him.
In a more recent experience, one of which you know very well (see my Broken Heart blog), I wrote the story down online. I put it all out there so anyone who wants to read it can. I did it as a way of starting to let go.
After visiting him this summer, I decided that it was really time to let go. I had been slowly letting go, but after visiting him, I knew it was time to really let go. So I wrote a "letting go" letter and sent it to him.
I never received a response back and that's ok. I know that if he read it, then he knows how I feel. I opened my heart, let myself be incredibly vulnerable and put it all out there. If he chose not to read it, then it's his loss.
I refuse to stop living my life because someone shattered my heart in a million pieces. If I did, I would be missing out on so many other opportunities. I would be closing my heart to the possibility of meeting the man that I am truly supposed to be with. I am not saying that I deserve better than him, but I am saying that I, at the very least, deserve someone who wants to be with me. Someone who isn't chasing someone else except me. Someone who will treat me like I am more than just an option.
My wish for you is that you can let go so you can open yourself up to the possibility of better, something you've never even dreamed of because it is so wonderful. I know that letting go hurts like hell and is a process. But I have all the faith in the world that you can do it. And I certainly know that if I can do it, you can too. :-)